dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
