Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
