There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
