rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
