The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
