He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
