Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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