soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
