Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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