Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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