I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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