could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
