i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
