OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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