i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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