I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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