Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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