made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
