So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize