Someone shit on the floor
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
