Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
