whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize