I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
