we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
