Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
