I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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