Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
babies were throwing up all over the place
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
