Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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