I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize