They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There are leaves in my underwear?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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