I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
