If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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