the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
