dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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