maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
