You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
