Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
