Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
