What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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