on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
