arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
