I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
