Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
