the condom got lost in my hair
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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