i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
A bitchslap is in order.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
