If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize