You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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