I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
