Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
