The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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