A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You made out with two different species that night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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