my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
