I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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