we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
