y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
