Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
