Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
