I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
