mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
