...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
