I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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