There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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