I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
