there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
