This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
