So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
