What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
