i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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