It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
