Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
